Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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