Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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