This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
