Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
