"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
