Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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