Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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