If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
