Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Two words: blizzard sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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