the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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