I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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