Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
