I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
