i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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