It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize