Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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