shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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