Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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