how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he shaved USA in his pubs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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