and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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