Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
