just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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