He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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