you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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