At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
