first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
