I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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