I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
