I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
