Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
