a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
