dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
