She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
