I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
40s are totally the cure
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
