hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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