She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
