i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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