he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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