Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I want to fling myself into the sun
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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