Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
