Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Porn is love you can see.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
