I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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