why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
