she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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