I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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