Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
