My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
