The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
