the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize