Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
