Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
