'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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