Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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