It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
