there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
