so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
