So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
