so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize