I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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