Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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