Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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