Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
