he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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