She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drake has all the answers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
