The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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