So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
