They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
