Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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