when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
