and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
